The Surprising Reason Couples Fight

Don’t miss any Bottom Line Secrets. Add our address, bottomlinesecrets@news.bottomlinepublishing.com, to your Address Book or Safe List. Learn how here. July 6, 2011 If Anyone You Love is Suffering... The Surprising Reason Couples Fight Did You Know that You Can... Give Your Stomach Time to Adjust Blast Away High Cholesterol. Lose 67 Points in Just 28 Days Dear healthwellness82@gmail.com, Why do couples who used to be crazy about each other argue over the pettiest things, such as who left the lights on or why they got lost during a drive? Yukio Ishizuka, MD, a psychiatrist in private practice in Rye, New York, shares the surprising answer about what really triggers these marital spats—and offers a simple four-step plan to get beyond the bickering and back to happy times. When we’re on vacation—we all look forward to chilling out with a few cocktails—but watch what you drink! Sandra Hoogerwerf, MD, physician and researcher at Borland-Grover Clinic in St. Augustine, Florida, explains why starting your vacation off with a few drinks can deep-six your entire trip. All the best, Jessica Kent Editor BottomLineSecrets.com Don’t forget to check out Bottom Line President Marjory Abrams’ latest blog posting: Pick Your No’s. And don’t forget to share your thoughts on the blog with Margie. If Anyone You Love is Suffering... "Please," said Hugh Downs at the start of his recent TV broadcast, "if anyone you love is suffering from heart disease, cancer, arthritis, diabetes, memory problems—don’t miss this!" He then proceeded to document an amazing outpouring of new cures, from a project unprecedented in the history of science... Millions watched in awe as legendary newsman Hugh Downs introduced over 498 world-acclaimed traditional and alternative doctors—the greatest medical team ever assembled! Learn more and find out how to save up to 75% on your prescriptions... The Surprising Reason Couples Fight Yukio Ishizuka, MD When we argue with our partners, we typically attribute the fight to a recent incident. A couple might fight over who forgot to pay the utility bills or why they got lost during a drive. What couples do not realize is that the event that seems to trigger a marital fight usually is just an excuse to argue, not the true root cause. The actual cause of fights between partners in close relationships may be closeness itself. My research with hundreds of married couples has shown that fights are most likely when relationships reach new levels of closeness and intimacy. This increased closeness makes the partners feel more dependent on each other and, therefore, more vulnerable and threatened. Example: A couple argues seemingly because a mother-in-law is coming for yet another visit. They do not realize that the real reason they are fighting is that they just had a romantic weekend and felt particularly close to each other, an unfamiliar feeling that left at least one of them feeling more vulnerable. The good news is that arguments brought on by increasing closeness offer an opportunity for the couple to get even closer. GETTING PAST FIGHTS Four key steps to getting closer... Recognition. The first step is recognizing warning signals, catching yourself in a familiar emotional confrontation with the very person that you care for the most. Recognize negative emotions, such as anxiety, anger and depression, as warning signals that you are facing a challenge. Perspective. Consider why you are facing this challenge, what your options are for solving it and what the consequences are for each of those options. Recognize that closeness is the top priority over all other considerations, such as being right or wrong... or winning or losing an argument. Decision. Should you apologize? Agree to forget the whole thing? The best decision is to take whatever action is necessary to overcome the crisis. Action. Implement your decision to the best of your ability. Think, feel and act in ways that increase closeness. Sometimes all it takes is to say, "Sorry, I didn’t mean any of those nasty things I said. I love you." Or simply reach out affectionately as if nothing had happened. Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Yukio Ishizuka, MD, psychiatrist in private practice in Rye, New York. He is author of the eBook Breakthrough Intimacy: Sad to Happy Through Closeness, available at www.lifetrack.com (click on "What’s New and Available from Lifetrack"). Did You Know that You Can... If you have arthritis, you’ve probably tried painkillers and heating pads. You may have even tried drugs like Celebrex® or supplements like glucosamine. But here are five little-known remedies that you probably haven’t tried. They’re safe... they’re inexpensive... and they can dramatically curb your symptoms. Sounds like hyperbole, doesn’t it? But it’s not. This stuff really does exist. Read on... Give Your Stomach Time to Adjust Sandra Hoogerwerf, MD Give your stomach time to adjust when you take a trip. Just as the mind gets fuzzy from jet lag, the digestive system gets confused, which can lead to gastrointestinal problems. To speed the adjustment, avoid high-fat, high-calorie foods when traveling and for a few days afterward... cut down on caffeine during travel... avoid alcohol and stay well-hydrated. Bottom Line/Personal interviewed Sandra Hoogerwerf, MD, physician and researcher at Borland-Grover Clinic, St. Augustine, Florida. Blast Away High Cholesterol. Lose 67 Points in Just 28 Days The big drug companies don’t want you to know about the alternative cures that can make their drugs obsolete. The alternative medicine believers think drugs and surgery are bad ideas. Guess what? They’re both dead wrong. Finally, a maverick MD has dared to identify the world’s best cures from both sides of the medical aisle. These are the real forbidden cures you want... Read on... Important: Help your friends get much more out of life -- forward this E-letter to them. Better: Send it to many friends and your whole family. This is a free weekly e-mail service of BottomLineSecrets.com and Boardroom Inc. Boardroom Inc. 281 Tresser Boulevard Stamford, CT 06901-3229 ATTN: Web Team You received this e-mail because you have requested it. You are on the mailing list as healthwellness82@gmail.com. Or... a friend forwarded it to you. Disclaimer: Bottom Line Secrets publishes the opinions of expert authorities in many fields. But the use of these opinions is no substitute for legal, accounting, investment, medical and other professional services to suit your specific personal needs. Always consult a competent professional for answers to your specific questions. 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