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to your Address Book or Safe List. Learn how here. | March 24, 2011 | |  |  | How to Be Best Friends with Your Grown Daughter | | | Mind-Boosting Secrets | | | "Thaw" Your Frozen Shoulder with Acupuncture | | | Prescription Drugs to Avoid Like the Plague | | | Eat Chocolate -- But Not Every Day! -- to Guard Against Heart Failure | | | |  |  | |  | |
 | | How to Be Best Friends with Your Grown Daughter Did your grandmother ever tell you, "If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all"? Mine sure did! That seems to fly in the face of the advice we often hear today, which is to speak our minds openly. Yet when it comes to promoting positive relationships between mothers and adult daughters, Grandma’s judicious lip-zipping is in fact a good policy, recent research suggests. Maintaining a strong connection with my own grown daughter is very important to me, so I contacted researcher and psychologist Karen L. Fingerman, PhD, author of Mothers and Their Adult Daughters. She explained that because it is a complex relationship, mother/daughter interaction can be fraught with tension. But navigating the turbulence is easier if you take your cue from another type of bond -- the one you have with your girlfriends. Friendship provides an excellent model for a good relationship between mother and adult daughter, Dr. Fingerman said, because you learn to accept each other’s flaws without confrontation. What helps... Mind your own business. After decades of motherhood, it can be hard to resist the urge to help your child become a "better person," Dr. Fingerman acknowledged -- but your daughter may see your well-meant advice as critical and intrusive. Before you butt in, apply the friendship test. Would you tell a pal that her house was a mess or her hairstyle was frumpy? Not unless she asked... and even then, you would be tactful. Extend that same courtesy to your daughter. Let go of disappointment. Many moms wish that their grown kids would pay more attention to them. "But the fact is that mothers tend to rate their relationships with their adult daughters as being of much higher importance in their lives than the daughters do," Dr. Fingerman pointed out. Test yourself: Compare your expectations for your daughter to what you would expect of a friend. Would you be upset if your friend didn’t phone every week? Unlikely. "Most daughters are attentive to their mothers, but you should accept that your daughter has other demands on her time. She’s not neglecting you when she doesn’t call -- she’s just busy," Dr. Fingerman said. Consider, too, whether resentment stems from a disappointment with yourself. For instance, if you scrimped to pay for your daughter’s college and now feel let down because she’s a stay-at-home mom instead of an executive, ask yourself whether your frustration is rooted in the regret that you never finished college or never pursued an office career. If so, go get your degree or dream job now -- and ask your daughter to provide encouragement as you pursue your goal. And remember to allow your daughter to make her own choices. After all, college provides many life lessons -- not just career training. Forgive yourself -- as you would forgive a friend. Clinging to guilt over something that happened between you and your daughter years ago can limit closeness now, so remind yourself that you did what you thought was best at the time, Dr. Fingerman said. But don’t pretend it never happened... even if it is harder to admit a mistake to your child than to a friend. Source: Karen L. Fingerman, PhD, is a psychologist and professor of gerontology, developmental and family studies at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, and author of Mothers and Their Adult Daughters (Prometheus). She serves on the editorial boards of the Journal of Marriage and Family and several other journals.
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 | | "Thaw" Your Frozen Shoulder with Acupuncture The Chinese call it the 50-years shoulder... doctors call it adhesive capsulitis... in the US, folks usually say frozen shoulder... and my brother and sister, both of whom have suffered from this malady, call it a major pain in the you-know-what. With frozen shoulder, extending the arm -- to reach, lift, get dressed, style hair, etc. -- becomes not only increasingly painful, but nearly impossible. The shoulder literally feels locked in place as the inflamed connective tissue around the joint thickens, contracts and loses elasticity. Keeping the shoulder still only makes matters worse by reducing production of lubricating fluids and allowing scar tissue to form. The condition most often develops in midlife (hence the "50-years" moniker), and almost 70% of those affected are women. The exact cause is unknown, but people with a thyroid disorder, Parkinson’s disease, diabetes or a history of shoulder injury are at increased risk. Left untreated, frozen shoulder usually heals on its own -- but this can take up to two years! And, as my siblings learned, typical conventional treatments may not help much ("Nonprescription pain relievers didn’t begin to take care of the pain," said one)... can have side effects (for instance, corticosteroid injections can lead to infection, loss of skin color and tendon damage)... and, in the case of physical therapy, can be effective but time consuming. Good news: Acupuncture can help, I was told when I consulted Fred Lisanti, ND, LAc, a naturopathic physician and licensed acupuncturist who specializes in pain management. "Acupuncture helps loosen tight connective tissues, muscle fibers and scar tissue in the shoulder. It also increases blood flow, and where blood goes, nutrients go -- and these help scavenge inflammatory particles, thus promoting healing," he explained. Recent scientific evidence supports the use of acupuncture for frozen shoulder. For instance, in one 2010 study, 86% of frozen shoulder patients who received acupuncture showed improvement. Acupuncture may be especially helpful when combined with physical therapy, another study showed. In that study, patients who got acupuncture alone experienced better pain control than those who did only physical therapy exercises... those who got physical therapy alone experienced more improvement in range of motion... and those who got both treatments benefited most. What to do: If you have symptoms that suggest frozen shoulder, see your doctor to rule out other possible causes, such as arthritis, dislocation or a rotator cuff tear. If you decide to try acupuncture, alone or as a complement to physical therapy and/or other treatments, you can find a licensed practitioner through the American Association of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine (www.aaaomOnline.org, 866-455-7999). What to expect: Based on a thorough exam, the acupuncturist chooses the appropriate acupuncture points. The hair-thin needles cause little or no discomfort and are left in place for about 30 to 40 minutes. Dr. Lisanti typically uses five to 10 needles in the shoulder plus eight or so in the legs, arms and/or hands along the energy "meridians." He usually sees his frozen shoulder patients two or three times a week for six to eight weeks. Some patients also benefit from periodic follow-up sessions. Acupuncture sessions range from $75 to $200 apiece and often are covered by insurance. While acupuncture cannot guarantee a 100% cure for frozen shoulder, Dr. Lisanti reported that at least half of his patients start feeling better and enjoying increased range of motion after just a few treatments. Source: Fred Lisanti, ND, LAc, is a naturopathic physician and licensed acupuncturist specializing in pain management. He also is trained in clinical hypnosis, botanical medicine and neurolinguistic programming and is the attending doctor at Integrative Med Solutions in Eastchester, New York. www.IntMedSolutions.com
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 | | Prescription Drugs to Avoid Like the Plague Some drugs are just so bad, you should avoid them at all costs. If your physician won’t prescribe a safer alternative -- or let you use a natural remedy -- then run (do not walk) to one who will. What kinds of drugs? - Widely used antibiotic so dangerous to your kidneys that up to 28% of those who use it develop some impairment.
- This former rat poison is now touted as a cure-all for everything from dental problems to bone loss. Banned in Japan and Europe, it’s unavoidable here in the US -- unless the proper precautions are taken.
- Widely prescribed drug for high blood pressure that is so dangerous, it should be used only as a last-ditch effort if nothing else works for you.
- Popular osteoporosis drug is just a rehashed version of an older one that built bone of such poor quality, breaks actually increased. Not to mention side effects such as permanent damage to the esophagus and kidneys, stress, diarrhea, constipation, fever, calcium and vitamin D deficiencies, rashes, headaches, and muscle pain.
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| | | Eat Chocolate -- But Not Every Day! -- to Guard Against Heart Failure Wasn’t it great when researchers told us that eating dark chocolate could help reduce blood pressure? Well, there’s more good news to make our hearts happy -- but it comes with a caveat on quantity. Swedish scientists followed more than 30,000 women ages 48 to 83 for nine years, analyzing their diets and risk of developing heart failure (in which the heart’s pumping action is not adequate to meet all of the body’s needs). Results: Compared with women who did not eat chocolate, those who consumed one to two servings of chocolate weekly, on average, were 32% less likely to develop heart failure... while those who ate a relatively tiny amount -- just one to three servings per month -- had a 26% reduction in risk. But moderation was key: Women who ate three to six servings of chocolate per week had a 9% increase in risk for heart failure, while those who had one or more servings daily had a 23% increase in risk. Note: In this study, a serving was about two-thirds of an ounce to one ounce (equal in size to about four to six Hershey’s Kisses)... and the women consumed mostly dark chocolate containing 30% cocoa solids. Bottom line: Eating an ounce or two of dark chocolate per week may help protect against heart failure... but eating more than that may do more harm than good, perhaps due to chocolate’s high sugar and fat content. Source: Murray Mittleman, MD, PhD, is director of the cardiovascular epidemiology research unit at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and Harvard Medical School in Boston and coauthor of a study of 31,823 women.
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 |  |  Tamara Eberlein, the editor of HealthyWoman from Bottom Line, has been a health journalist for nearly three decades. An award-winning author or coauthor of four books, she is committed to helping other women in midlife and beyond live healthy, fulfilling lives. Her latest book is the updated, third edition of When You’re Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads (HarperCollins). She is also the "chief health adviser" to her husband of 25 years, college-age twins and teenaged son. |  | | Bottom Line Publications | 281 Tresser Boulevard, 8th Floor | Stamford, CT 06901
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